I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
