last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my shit smells like andre
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
