if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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