well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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