barbara walters just said penis...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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