the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
