how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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