hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
