Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
