My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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