Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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