Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize