drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Please don't give away my fajitas
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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