Please, let me fuck your mom
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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