i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize