i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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