Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Who died my cat blue again?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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