youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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