Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize