I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
