Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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