My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish i was in the wii world.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
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