im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
