All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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