True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
