I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
