Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
