he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
