ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
