i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
