i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize