i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
