Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize