I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
