Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
