i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
