I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
