You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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