I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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