I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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