oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
