Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
