she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
