i was rollin on her like bob the builder
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
