My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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