there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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