Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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