I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
