No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Let's get the cat blown out
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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