Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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