I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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