do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize