I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
