don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
