Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
