Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I checked into jail on foursquare
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
