you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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