Your face is a jimmy john
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
