I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
