I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
