marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
