just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
