Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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