New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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