areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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