Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
