put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
pray to the hookup gods
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
