Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
