I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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