I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
