is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize