I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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