i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
