I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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