Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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