I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize