...so i touched it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
