I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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