the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
