I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
