Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize