guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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