i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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