apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
