I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
