She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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