Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
