i need an iv and a liver transplant
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
