We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
