Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize