I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
