Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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