What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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