I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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