Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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