I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
